Ending a relation or a friendship that held value to you is difficult. Making yourself lose someone could be hard because you invested your time and energy into it and in a matter of hours, days and months it goes to waste. The feeling afterwards is extremely devastating. In any case, not each individual in your life is intended to remain. It damages and corrodes you and it hurts a little but it is okay, and if it is not it will be because not every rain outrages a flood. There comes a moment when you realise that you’ve been illuded and used by someone important yet at the same time you cling onto them since it is less challenging that way. I had believed in the axiom that ‘No relationship is perfect, it’s up to you how you make it work’ but in actual fact what you need to know is that a person who authentically cares for you will make efforts multiple times and won’t give up on you, efforts that can be seen and that you can count. A relationship cannot work if love, care, adhesion and most importantly sincerity flows one way.
People change. They get uninterested so facilely. I have struggled many times to preserve certain amities but sometimes the best you could do is to end it. However.. I still, am discovering my ways to culminate it completely. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid that one day I’ll wake up with stories to tell but there would be no one who would listen to it. I never wished to be the person who would sit apart in the awful solitude at parties or in school but later I perceived that to be in that solitude is a blessing.
I have billions of friends until I need them. It’s hysterical how you find time to message me when you need me, when life is not being nice to you, when you can’t bring yourself to stand and fight but when all the flowers bloom for you, when you find all your paths and when you have things to celebrate I never get to know about them. It’s like you ignore me but then require me later on. It feels like an apostasy. It’s like me and a tissue paper benefiting the same purposes on Earth. There have been times I said to myself ‘No matter what, I always have to be there for her because that’s what friends do’ But this time I’m not your friend anymore and I’ll make sure I’m not there for you when you need me.
I realised that this bond we shared was dishonest, insincere and manipulative or maybe it never really existed. But it was too hard to confront the reality. I was reluctant to be alone and couldn’t muster the courage to swallow the truth. I unseen it when my eyes saw it, I unsaid it when my lips said it, I unknown it when my soul kenned it. But now I’ll unfriend you when my heart ached it.
You didn’t have to make me feel special when you wanted to but when I wanted it and when I needed it. I gave you too much and you were undeserving. I lifted you up in the sky and you forgot the touch of the ground. I made you fly and you forgot to crawl. You didn’t have to stoop so low. It was crucial for me to know my grounds that being alone is thousand folds better than to be in a relationship that is unsatisfying, sordid and anxiety producing. To be on your own is not easy but at the end it’s productive and worthful. You have to prove yourself that you require only YOU to take care of yourself. You have to make yourself less available to certain people and more to yourself. However, the good memories doesn’t have to fade when the relation does.
All my friendships dissolved gradually. Some people are not good for you no matter how much you love them and it is time to let go of them, time to give yourself and your soul a treat. So stop sniveling and fight yourself for yourself because if it’s not today it never will be any other day.